Society’s Obsession with Penetrative Sex is Messing with our Orgasms

So I recently started  writing for Unbound, a New York based, female owned/run sex toy start up who make beautiful sex toys which double up as elegant jewellery.

My first column instalment focuses on the joys of non-penetrative sex and questions why penetration is seen as the be all and end all. Check out an extract here:

Sex has a myriad of configurations–that’s part of what makes it so endlessly entertaining, right? The frustrating fact, though, is that one form of sex is privileged, centered, and deified as the ‘authentic’ form of sexual expression. Namely, good old penetration.

But not just any penetration–fingering doesn’t quite cut it in the hierarchy of widely accepted narratives of what constitutes the act of sex. Many of us believe that sex is initiated when a penis enters a vagina (thanks patriarchy!). Obviously, this is wholly not the case. Sex is whatever you make of it, to be honest. Whenever you’re wondering if what you’re doing is sex you can refer to Autostraddle’s foolproof flowchart for clarification.

Narratives surrounding “virginity” perfectly encapsulate our societal preoccupation with penetration. Being penetrated by a man’s penis is supposedly so powerful, it creates an irrevocable change in a woman’s social status and represents a move from innocence to womanhood. (See: every film or TV show about a girl losing her virginity, ever.)

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